We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
