I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
