winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
