Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
