i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
