6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
