weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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