my sisters under your porch take her home
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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