normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
