I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
