I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
