the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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