Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
