he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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