I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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