The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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