we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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