i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
