Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
