Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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