she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
