I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
