You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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