dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
