oh god the rape fog is back!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
