The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
