i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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