The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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