he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
