if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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