i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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