quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i now understand why vodka
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
