My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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