I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
