for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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