TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
