Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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