If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
