covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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