2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
