Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
