I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize