there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The air was thick with penises
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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