You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
