careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
