Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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