pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The beer is more important than you right now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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