Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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