Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
