im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
