Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
