I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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