Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
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I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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