be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize