True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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