What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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