She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
