I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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