I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
