piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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