Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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