i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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