My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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