WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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