I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
