Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
